Friday Conversation: Love Makes You Do Dumb Things… Even Cheat
Posted in Relationships on 06. Aug, 2010
Can you love someone and still cheat on them? We’ve all heard one of these most commonly used excuses before. “But baby I love you” or the ever popular “Yeah I was f***ing her but I make love to you”. All well in fine we might believe some of those but how can a person in love still cheat on someone they love?
I’ve been in love before, and when you’re in love, you do all types of weird things for the person you love. You drive across state to kill a mouse, sacrifice bills for dates, stop talking to friends and family, sometimes we even move miles away to live with one another all in the name of love.
Yep! Let’s face it love make people do pretty stupid things. But what happens when love doesn’t keep you from: having sex, making love, bumping and grinding, giving up the booty, hiding the sausage, F*cking, playing this old man on her vagina with your penis, getting some, going half on a baby, entering a sex room, Smashing, piping, running through, screwing, boning, blazing, going long, getting busy, knocking boots, bumping skins, jumping bones, slapping flesh, bumping uglies, coloring, tickling the inside of her belly button, or just out right doing it to someone else?
Then what happens? Isn’t love supposed to keep you there through good times and bad, sickness and health? I know that tends to go with marriage, but if that’s not how you feel then why are we even using the term love?
I know I’ve had extremely strong feelings for women in my past. Women I did stupid stuff for like pay too much for dinner when the cable was due, cut off my hair and get matching tattoos with her. And guess what? I still cheated on them. Hell, I knew I was cheating on a few of the women when I did the stupid stuff I did. Yet, why won’t love keep us with the person when they have a temporary lapse in judgment and, sleep with someone else. That doesn’t really mean we don’t love our mate it just means we wanted to have sex with a chick and did something dumb. Which we obviously have a history of doing, especially in the name of love, so how can it be all right then, but not ok other times?
I guess what I’m trying to say is something I’ve been saying since I first started my blog, cheating is not always a reason to leave someone. What are you thoughts about that? Let’s talk.
Seriously!!! Strong feeling of affection or Love can make us do some crazy things you are right there!! I only recently decided in my mind this whole cheating theory to be true. In past relationships no matter how much I cared for the person if they cheated I walked. As I have gotten older and realized there are different forms of cheating I decided it isn't always a reason to walk but it is something to think about. Not every relationship is worth saving and I think most ppl need to know when to put their feelings aside and see what is really at stake. Now a days I communicate more in relationships and know if he cheats we need to get to the root of why and if I choose to stay then I am choosing to forgive and not bring it up again. I won't forget but I must be willing to move on with that person if I choose to stay. Every relationship is a learning experience. *those are my thoughts*
But men don’t cheat because they can. Men cheat because they must, because they need to. This is the male struggle. Need compels us to try again. Because copulation is not in any way about fate. It is not about two individuals destined to meet on some dark night. It’s about random collisions.
If you cheat, you must believe this much: that fated love is a lie, and monogamous love a deception. If you cheat, these two sentiments are your guiding light. Doesn’t mean you’re incapable of love, doesn’t mean you don’t want what love —or even marriage —can offer. It’s just a paradox. You have what you believe, and it is never the lie. You train your sentiment to fit inside the lie. Your rules fit right inside that sentiment.
well , i know it may sound bad ,, but i get bored of 1 dude, lol
Xilla: Girl cheats do you stay? Seriously? Just curious because the double standard is most apparent in this situation…
I'm not a very romantic woman, I mean I am but I usually leave emotions out and tend to be pragmatic about love.
Cheating to me is lack of self control and discipline. Has nothing to do with love or being able to be in a relationship or not. People can love and be in a relationship but be weak ass with no self control mostly psychological they talk themselves into not having any…Everyone knows soon as they meet someone if there's chemistry. Chemistry cannot be avoided it's up to an individual put him/herself out of a situation that will lead to cheating. Loving someone and respecting them should be the reason for an individual to control themselves.
Problem is we live in a society where self control is not longer a virtue, where have everything you want is the normal mentality and therefore cheating is occuring. Mostly because sex is seen as separate from love the *I had sex with him/her but I make love to you* phrase is perfect example. On the other hand there is core instinct for every creature male or female to procreate, so I believe every human at at least one point in their lives will cheat on their partner. It's our instinct and that instinct battles with what makes us different to animals: our moral fibre if you wanna call it that way. Which side gets to win is determined by a person ability and willingness to self control.
I feel that love definitely makes you do crazy things but not to the extent of cheating. If you really do "love" someone our conscience will kick in and naturally keep you from cheating, many use the word "love" too loosely without really knowing why and how much to what extent do they really love the person. I've done the sacrificing, moving and all for a person and when its all said and done i realize that the person did not love me enough to compromise or make the same sacrifice. Love can also put your ass in jail or get beat up its a 2 way street on both sides …don't be a victim and never say things you don't mean for the sake of wanting to be loved or keeping someone who loves you and you want to keep …love can be blinding so always be wise and honest, if you know your "cheating happy!" just don't even mention the "L" Word in order to prevent Crazy!
okay it seems like females feel as tho a male should not cheat if they love someone but males feel as tho they have an excuse for cheating and loving someone and think that its possible…
im a female and think you can cheat and still love the person …but if you leave a person you love for the person you like thats not love..
Meh, the word love gets tossed around more than the head cheerleader at a frat party.
Love has way too many meanings/translations on different levels, so it is possible to say, "I love you," and mean it in a totally different way than how the receiving person interprets.
Let's set some things straight. Love does not make you crazy. Love does not make you stupid. Stupid is as stupid does! Yes, it is possible to cheat on someone you love, just as it is possible to lie to them or steal from them. And if these things are deal breakers in your relationship, don't be looking all O.O when you have to suffer the consequences of your actions.
There will always be a struggle between what your flesh wants and what your spirit needs (this applies to men AND women). Your flesh will seek out what is pleasurable for immediate gratification (craving that chocolate cake when you're on a diet, wanting to cuss out that brown-nosing coworker who threw you under the bus, wanting to screw that hottie at the club when you're in a exclusive relationship). Your spirit will seek to do what's right and favorable (some people call it their conscious). It is then up to your mind to make the decision on which route to take. A lot of times, that carnal, fleshly need wins out.
And ladies, can we stop allowing men to try and convince us that it is against their nature to be monogamous? Can we agree that it's just YET another ploy for them to get away with some ol' boolshyt and shenanigans? If you are dealing with a dude with this mentality (or, at least is silly enough to admit it) you might want to reevaluate YOUR values and standards. JMO…
Before I read the comments, I had a whole bunch to say about this, but MJ and SunnieDee said it all!! I totally agree with what both you ladies said…very well put.
thanks Almiss…and yes SunnieDee also put it really well.
I like to tell stories
one is from my own parents which I see as an example of a long lasting relationship. Fairly happy marriage I mean everyone has ups and downs but they are childhood sweethearts dad was 15 mom 14 when they started dating, 7 years later they got married and have been married for 38 years = total of 45 years together with one perfect or close to perfect procreation me lol Now…I don't know about my dad, he could have of course cheated on my mum but he is by nature the "nice" guy so I doubt it but mom she was fairly wild as a teenager from what I heard (completly oppsite to my dad, trustworthy, polite, dependable guy) and when she was 17 she went to live for 10 months in Germany as an aupair and study the language. There she met a Swidish guy who swept her off her feet and bottom line she cheated on my dad.
They broke up my dad broken hearted hell broke loose lol you know the score. Obviously they got back together and went on to get married …however…there's my point. Someone I look up to from a relationship point of view as my parents in 45 year I know of at least one time is has happened.
I have been lucky in my life that I have never felt to date the need or wish to cheat on any of my partners, but I don't discard the chance that it can happen to anyone.Refusing to acknowledge that would be deeply foolish
If he cheats then I feel like I must walk away from the relationship because I lose respect and trust for them and to me those are two of the most important factors in a relationship. To be honest, I've cheated in past, but its always been because there is just something missing in the relationship. Now I've learned that if I ever have a strong desire to cheat then it's time to move on rather than stick around and hurt him.
i think that relationships work so well back in the day because they didnt break up over really nothing if they got married they wasnt going leave for no reason what so ever now people will break up over everything under the sun
This may be a shock to some, but love does not conquer all. Love doesn't always conform a hoe into a housewife. I believe that it is possible for someone to love you and still cheat. Some people just have issues, lack of self control, self esteem issues, and there are alot of people out there who don't know how to be in a healthy, monogamous relationship because they have never seen one. At the end of the day, these those are all excuses, but for some people staying faithful is easier said than done.
Cheating to me is not a complete dealbreaker, because I think it depends on the circumstances. If my spouse, got drunk on vacation and messed around with someone, but fessed up and was completely remorseful, I could consider giving them another chance. But if we're talking about gross disrespect (sleeping with my relatives, having year long affairs, contracting an STD,) that's not forgiveable in my book.
Cheating is wrong!
If a man loves you as much as he says then he can stop straying, he can resist the urge to have sex with another woman
foolish comments such as "it was just sex" or "its you i love" deserve to be replied with a backhand…same goes for when women cheat
I TOTALLY AGREE w/ u @Veronica D.
I'm sorry Xilla but its silly to think love can "make you cheat" come on now. That cheating has absolutely zero, zilch, nada to do w/ love. CHEATING IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! It causes distrust, insecurity, a lack of respect amongst a number of other feelings & emotions. I have never cheated on someone I was in a relationship w/. I think it boils down to a classic case of "having ur cake & eating it too". A woman or man will not end things w/ the 1 they are w/ but will cheat on them hoping not to get caught because they still wanna be w/ the person they cheated on as well. They really lack self control & do not need to be in a "relationship" nor slanging the "L" word around since they do not know its TRUE meaning. Just my opinion tho.
@SunnieDee u make some VERY VALID points
I co-sign w/ @MPK as well.
I am currently dealing with a similiar situation as we speak, my boyfriend of 5 years went out with a female without telling me i found out and then he told me that he has been cheating. I asked him y he told me that it gives him a different feeling and that feeling is different from the one he has when he is with me.He wants us to work on the relationship but at times im finding it so hard to forgive him, he says he thinks he is going through a phase and that has nothing to do with his feelings for me and him still wanting to be with me.I'm still so hurt and I dont know what to do. So I need different opinions.
Before this gets to a "war of sexes" thing lets deal with it on a general basis, Male or female has nothing to do with it–just like you choose to cheat you can choose to NOT cheat. Because thats what it is—a choice when the opportunity presents itself.
guys need to get outta here with that excuse its "normal" for them to cheat?puh-lease
p.s Sunny Dee i agree with you 100%
What about a man who has a family and has cheating and lied about cheating continuosly. What about the man stated he couldn't control hiself? What about the man that says he loves and is still in love with u after 5 yrs and doesn't know why he did it? How do you forgive a crying man that has cheated on u with numerous hood freak bitches with bad reps (Porno star status)but he wants forgiveness? How does a good woman deal with that? How do u forgive a man who pillow talked with birds about how yall werent gettin along? Is there a way to forgive a man like that because you love him??? And he claims to love and need u and how he wants to keep the family together? Not to mention he has admitted to how u(the woman) has always been good to him and gave him the utmost respect until now. Is this how good girls go bad? Becasue of heartbreak like this. People are sick nowadays.